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SeniorSex

It's quite regular to see references to the sex lives of individuals in their 20s or 30s be it in a movie, an ad or on social media. Less common is talk of "senior sex"; in fact, the existence of a sex life in anyone over the age of 50, 60 or 70+ is generally shrouded in mystery, confusion and seems to be mentioned a lot less, if at all. While we do know that both men and women go through some physiological changes as they grow towards their more senior years, it doesn't mean that their sex lives cease to exist. If there are issues which restrict sex and masturbation, it's important for people in this age category (50+) to know that there are ways to improve it and the key is to not ignore it but to get help in order to enjoy the many benefits that a healthy sex life can deliver!


Senior Sex - Separating the Myths from the Facts


Separating the Myths from the Facts


Myth 1: In Your 50s Your Interest in Sex Will Wane

The Truth: There is no age limit on sexuality and many reports suggest that people over 50, 60 and 70 have a more satisfying sex life because their lives are less complicated, they might be retired, have more time on their hands and their stress levels are lower.


Myth 2: As a Man Ages, He Loses the Ability to Get an Erection

The Truth: Aging in itself is not the cause of erectile dysfunction, it's more about the diminishing levels of hormones which can cause problems. More on this later but the good news is that help is available.


Myth 3: Emotional Issues Mean That Women Lose Interest in Sex at Midlife & Beyond

The Truth: Hormonal changes that occur during menopause can create shifts in sexual desires but some women find a heightened appetite for sex due to the hormonal changes.


Myth 4: Women Lose the Ability to Orgasm Past a Certain Age

The Truth: This is totally untrue, thankfully! It might take a little extra work to bring a woman to orgasm due to things like vaginal dryness (hello lube!) but a toe-clenching climax is most certainly achievable at any senior age.


Myth 5: Masturbation Diminishes the Ability to Enjoy Sex

The Truth: Masturbation with or without the aid of sex toys is in fact a fantastic way to keep vaginal tissues moist in women and to maintain erectile responses in men so most definitely masturbation is a win-win!


Myth 6: A Man's Inability to Get an Erection is Likely to be an Emotional Problem

The Truth: Studies like one conducted at Stanford University recorded that 85-90% of erectile dysfunction (ED) problems occur due to "common conditions" and also as a result of prescription drug side effects.


Sex After 50, 60, 70 - What to Expect


Sex After 50, 60, 70 - What to Expect


While it is definitely possible to maintain a healthy and enjoyable sex life after 50, there will be some physical and physiological changes occurring that might cause issues. The good news? It's possible to improve many of these! We offer some advice but for these types of issues and similar concerns that you might have, it's advisable to talk them over with your doctor for professional help.


Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

Studies confirm that as men age, they will encounter issues with erectile dysfunction (ED) or "impotence" as it's often referred to. ED is when a man is unable to get or maintain an erection. If you consistently have a poor ability to attain or maintain an erection then you would be considered to have ED. It's most commonly seen in men aged 65+. There are many ways that ED can be treated such as surgery, prescription drugs, hormone therapy and of course these will require you to visit a doctor who will be used to discussing these concerns. Other fixes (and depending on the severity of your ED) would be to stop smoking if that's a vice that you have but you could also try using sex aids like a penis pump or a cock ring. More on this later.


Looser Vagina

Following natural childbirth and as women age, it's common to find that their pelvic floor muscles are looser. Partners might notice the lack of tightness upon penetration. This can of course be upsetting for both parties as a looser pelvic floor can impact on a woman's ability to control her bladder too as well as a lower feeling of sensation for both her and her partner during sex. There are a number of options here and one is surgery which of course would require further advice from your doctor. Easier fixes (depending on the severity of your weakened muscles) include building up the muscles again and this can be done comfortably, in private with or without the aid of some easy-to-use "weights" which are called Kegel balls. More on this later.


Dry Vagina

Ok it's not exactly a pretty topic but a drier vaginal area is a fact of life as many women grow older and past the menopause stage. Your own natural production of lubrication reduces significantly due to hormonal changes which means that during sex (and masturbation), things might not be as free flowing as you've been used to and this can feel uncomfortable and sore. In turn that can ruin the experience for you (if you're masturbating) or for you and your partner for sex. A quick, easy, affordable and altogether enjoyable fix for this is some lubricant! Lube isn't a kinky sex aid, in fact once you use it, you'll wonder where it's been all of your life! It comes in many different flavours and varieties but in this instance we'd recommend a silicone based lube. Silicone lube is silky soft and luxurious on the skin and will make sex and your drier areas frictionless and enjoyable!


Senior Sex - STIs in the Over 50s

Senior Sex - STIs in the Over 50s


The fact that STI diagnoses have been on the rise over recent years is usually put down to the younger generation but research has confirmed that STIs in people aged 50 to 70 have risen by more than a third over the last decade. Reasons for this include an increase in divorce rates and thus people meeting partners later in life and also the lack of pregnancy fears meaning over 50s don't see the need to use condoms. The instance of STIs occurring in over 50s is still a good deal smaller in comparison to the younger generation but it's still an issue that should be on the radar of over 50s who engage in casual sex. Protection in the form of condoms is still needed particularly if you've moved back into a single dating scene.


Sex After 50, 60, 70 - The Benefits


Sex After 50, 60, 70 - The Benefits


1. Sex Has Health Benefits!

Medical professionals have regularly indicated that sex has health benefits and this is never more the case when you move past 50 and beyond. Sex is a form of exercise and it can reduce stress and tension and keeps things moving!


2. You Can Really Enjoy It!

Prior to this period in your life, sex might have been more functional, you might have looked at it as mainly a baby making method. Now that you've both moved past that, it's time to understand what parts of sex you really enjoy! Perhaps you've never masturbated, never used a vibrator, never used a prostate massager - well now is the time to use your less chaotic life to explore yourself and your partner too!


3. It Might Allow You to Reconnect With Your Partner

As you move into retirement, you might find that with this extra time on your hands you really reconnect emotionally with your partner. This in turn can lead to a new physical connection as you both move into this new chapter of a slower pace in life and this can be immensely satisfying for both of you.


4. It Can Improve Your Mood

With so many sexual innuendos and messages in the media pertaining to a younger generation, you might be left feeling like you're too old for sex. If you push past this and continue to take an interest in your own sex drive, it's simply impossible not to feel good after some masturbation or sex.


Sex After 50, 60, 70 - Things to Try


Sex After 50, 60, 70 - Things to Try


Nothing that the younger generation can try is out of bounds for the older generation, it's more about what you feel up to doing!


Anal Play

Maybe this isn't something you've tried before but would like to venture into now that you have more spare time. We have a handy guide on getting started with all things anal but in short, anal sex is something you need to build towards (no matter what age!) in order for it to be comfortable and enjoyable and it definitely will always feel better with a high quality anal lube.


Prostate Stimulation

Women have the G-Spot and men have the P-Spot which refers to pleasure gained from masturbation or stimulation of the prostate gland which is accessible via a man's anal passage. Learn everything you need to know about this in our prostate massage guide but basically by focusing on this area, men can experience sensational pleasure and at times a stronger climax. It actually has genuine health benefits too as stimulation of this area is said to help in prevention of prostate cancer (60% of all prostate cancers are diagnosed in men over the age of 65) so it's definitely worth trying out this as part of your sex life in later years. The prostate can be stimulated using prostate toys or by a partner (using their fingers) or both.


Introduce Lubrication

Lubrication (also called sex gels or lube) is a great addition to sex or masturbation at any age. It makes things comfortable with less friction and for women who might be concerned about dry areas, it will easily resolve it. There are lots of types to choose from including flavoured lube, lube with added sensation and more. If you're using sex toys, it's important to use only water based lube as silicone lube (which is a lovely gel) can damage silicone toys so be mindful of what material your toy is.


Try a Penis Pump

Achieving and maintaining an erection can be difficult for some older men as we outlined already and while there are courses of medication that you can try with the help of your doctor, a penis pump can be successful too. A penis pump can be used painlessly to get and maintain an erection. They work by you placing your penis into a tube which comfortably accommodates your penis. Some pumps are controlled by hand and others by battery; a vacuum is created which draws blood into the shaft of the penis and causes it to swell and become erect. Once you release your penis from the vacuum, you can maintain the erection using a penis ring and you can proceed to full penetrative sex if you wish or enjoy a personal masturbation session!


Use Jiggle Balls or Kegel Weights

Some women (of all ages) like to increase the strength of their pelvic floor muscles. As we mentioned previously, these muscles naturally become weaker as you age (or after childbirth) but it is possible to build them up using Kegel weights (also known as Ben Wa balls). The upside is that using these weights (which involves inserting them into your vagina) feels really pleasant too and can help increase your sexual appetite. They are really easy to use and come in a number of sizes and formats to suit your needs. Check out our full Jiggle Love Ball guide if you want to know more.


Try a Vibrator

Older women do tend to create less natural lubrication and so introducing a high quality sex gel helps as we mentioned. It's also true that some older women might take longer to orgasm. This can become both tiring and frustrating so why not introduce the help of a sex toy like a vibrator if you're not up to using your own fingers (or your partner's fingers)? Introducing something like a bullet vibrator into your play will stimulate your clitoris when you hold it against it and a bullet vibe is a nice beginner toy to try. Once you've heated things up in terms of foreplay using the bullet, you can easily and happily move onto penetration with your partner. Or finish yourself to full orgasm using the bullet! Read our guide on bullets to learn more.


Senior Sex - Sex Doesn't Age Discriminate!


Senior Sex - Sex Doesn't Age Discriminate!


As you can tell, sex is something that should be enjoyed by all no matter what age so embrace your flirty fifties, express yourself in your sensuous sixties and seventies and beyond and allow yourself to feel good about it!

We received some valuable advice and guidance on the whole area of sex after the age of 50 from a number of experts on the topic...

Sex can be pleasurable and enjoyable for those of all ages. Those over the age of 50 should not "give up" or blame age on the reasons for not enjoying a partner. There are ways to navigate physical ailments, emotional barriers, or dysfunctions. The first step is seeking medical consultation and then working with a sex therapist. Sex should not be painful at any age or uncomfortable. So if you are over the age of 50, want to have sex but are presented with a barrier, don't just brush it under the rug - you have the possibility of many more years of pleasurable sex! - Rachel Hoffman LCSW, M.Ed, Senior Staff Therapist at Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy. PhD candidate in Human Sexuality

You're never too old to try new things in bed; in fact, trying new things is one of the best ways to stay connected and physically intimate as our bodies age and change in life. If you're worried about bringing something new to sex with your partner, remember that your partner could be feeling the exact same way. Gather your courage and bring it up to them. My recommendation is to do it outside the bedroom, when you're both feeling relaxed. Who knows, they might surprise you with a few things they want to try too! - Alana R. Ogilvie, MFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Intern

Your sex will change throughout your life and after 50 is no different. It is important to remember pleasure is always obtainable, just in a different way maybe... Creativity and openness to new ways of achieving pleasure is crucial to addressing any obstacles in your sex life. - Amaliya Bereznyuk Ed.S., M.S., LMHC

Advancing through the life-cycle comes with many milestones and transitions. The good news is that for people 50+ their sexiest years and capacity to experience sexual pleasure may be at its highest. - Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT

As we age, our sexual responses styles often change. Typically, arousal becomes less spontaneous to visual or manual stimulation and becomes more responsive to intimacy, desire to give and receive pleasure and to emotional connection. By focusing on unhurried, sensual touch that is both in tune and responsive to our partner’s erotic preferences, sexual arousal and satisfaction increases. Take time to explore your partner’s body through mutual touch and with active communication around the types of touch that is erotic to promote connection and to give time for arousal to
develop. - Rob Peach, MSW RSW

Sex over 50 can be a time to reconnect with your partner, especially if kids are no longer around. Sex may not look like it did in our 20s or 30s but that’s not to say it can’t be as good, just different. If sex is difficult, most things can be overcome. Now is the time to really focus on pleasure and taking time out just for you. - Lisa Etherson, Psychosexual Therapist

You can still learn something about sex, no matter how old you are. It's so true that “when you are green you grow and when you are ripe you rot”. If you don't use your sexuality there's a danger that it will shrivel up and atrophy or mummify - and this is not a good look or feel! We'll probably lengthen our lifetimes too, because good sex releases the body's natural happy drugs - the endorphins - and these make us feel good. We may have wrinkles on our faces but we'll have jolly big smiles as well! - Dr Janet Hall, Sex Therapist and Clinical Psychologist

If you're interested in using the aid of sex toys to add some fire to your sex life, watch the collection of videos below of some that we would recommend.

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