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How to have Anal SexA Beginner’s Guide

Want to Try Anal?
Check out our 30 second video for a quick guide on how to get things started for your adventure into anal sex with your partner. For all the extra details you’ll need to get prepared, read on below!

What is Anal Sex?

Anal sex is when a penis or other object like a vibrator is inserted into your partner’s anal passage.
The Anus in the Female Anatomy The Anus in the Female Anatomy
The Anus in the Male Anatomy The Anus in the Male Anatomy

Do Women Like Anal Sex?

Women certainly can achieve orgasm through anal play and if the research in this article is to be believed, over 90% of women who partake in anal play reach orgasm. So how is that achieved?

In the male anatomy, the prostate gland is located right in front of the rectum, and it’s been proven to feel pleasurable when the prostate is stimulated via the anus. Women however don’t possess this gland but there are many nerve endings in the anal sphincter (of both sexes) that can feel incredibly arousing.

Furthermore, the wall between the vagina and the anal passage is thin therefore simultaneous anal and vaginal play can feel pleasant for some women and when stimulated simultaneously can work towards an orgasm. This of course would be helped along if clitoral stimulation was also included.

While this all might sound like a lot of work, you can incorporate the use of sex toys to help you out in achieving the orgasm. For example, a partner could try to stimulate the anal area while the receiver uses a vibrator on themselves in the clitoral area.

Tips for Amazing Anal Sex

The key to good anal sex is that both participants need to be 100% comfortable in trying it out. Once that is established, it is the perfect starting point. For a beginner to anal sex it is absolutely vital that you “train” your anus as it will be a really uncomfortable situation otherwise. By training your anus, you are preparing it for more advanced stimulation and moving onto actual anal play; you definitely should not dive right in (or allow someone else to!). To begin training your anus, you need to do some stretching techniques specific to that area and this can be done using a small butt plug, one with a circumference greater than 4.5 inches is ideal. You should aim to leave this in for at least 20 minutes at one time and be sure to let the area rest in between stretching sessions; two to three days at the outset is advisable.

Once you’ve used a butt plug and are comfortable with that you can move to some tentative anal fingering. Below are some anal fingering tips that will allow you to make your way towards trying full on anal and you’ll likely enjoy these anal foreplay techniques too so it’s a win-win!
  • Begin with fingers and some water based lube. Because the anal area doesn’t self lubricate you should use more lubricant than normal to make it more comfortable; you can also buy anal specific lube.
  • Relax and breathe slowly when your anus is penetrated with the finger; tensing up your muscles will not help the situation be more pleasant, it will of course have the opposite effect.
  • Initially the anus should only be penetrated around the rim. That’s where most of the nerve endings are anyway and at the beginner stage you’re not ready for the full on inserted penetration which can feel very alien for the first time.
  • Ask for the movements to be taken slowly and smoothly. Rapid movement of the finger like ladies enjoy for clitoral play isn’t the best idea at the outset of anal play.
  • If your anal play is man to woman, guys should note that most women can’t come from anal stimulation alone but it can be used in conjunction with other foreplay like nipple or clit stimulation. Important note! Your partner should not use the same finger to stimulate the anus as the vagina as it can cause infection. Having a baby wipe closeby might be helpful to do a quick clean of the finger if they insist on using the same one.

Anal Sex Positions

So for the beginner to anal in a heterosexual relationship here are some to try but as you become more experienced, you will of course become more willing to try different contortions. Here are some to start:
Place your legs on the mattress on either side of your guy and set the speed yourself.
Doggy Style
Probably the most popular beginner position for anal. Getting on all fours allows for the easiest access. This position may be your best choice if you have tried and found anal painful in the past.
Face to Face
Start with your partner sitting as you mount his lap, coming face-to-face. As the partner on top, you have control on the penetration depth which allows you to choose your comfort levels. He’s in a position to give you extra stimulation such as your breasts and clitoris so it’s all sensation!
Missionary Twist
In the missionary position, place your legs on his shoulders. You might need a little extra flexibility for this due to the possible pressure you’ll feel from his shoulders as he thrusts. However, with the right amount of lube, relaxation and coaxing, even initial penetration should be really pleasant.
On the Tummy
Lie on your tummy with a pillow placed underneath your stomach as this lifts up your bum giving him nice access. Anal on the stomach is comfortable and easy so is a nice beginner choice.
For homosexual men we found this really great post which details some fun anal positions for men; it’s not all just on all fours doggy style, there are many options for guys!

Trying Out Anal: The Golden Rules!

Ok so now you have decided you are ready to go and try out the land of anal pleasure, here are some rules to remember in order for it to be the best experience you can have!
  • Indulge in lots of foreplay – it will be uncomfortable and futile if both of you aren’t turned on so take your time at the foreplay stage.
  • Use finger play, licking, tongue, smaller vibrators etc as insertion tools before graduating to a penis being inserted into the anus.
  • Use copious amounts of lubrication! The anus doesn’t produce any natural lubrication so you will need to keep topping it up to avoid the delicate tissues tearing and causing pain or injury.
  • If possible, try to make it that YOU are in control of the initial penetration until your anus becomes more relaxed and accepts it fully. Only you, as the receiver will know when that moment is.
  • Makes sure to empty your bowels before you begin and that you are clean before you start proceedings. Use a condom especially if he is a new partner.
  • You might find that after the first time you have anal sex and have a bowel movement you are likely to pass a liquid mix of faeces, lubricant, and ejaculate (semen will only be there if you haven’t used a condom obviously). This is only temporary and signals that your body is getting rid of bodily fluids left over after sex and is totally normal. In some quarters this is referred to as ‘butt jelly’.
  • Gaseous noises (i.e. passing wind) are normal during anal too because the thrusting action can force bubbles of air up into the colon and they are then expelled out of the body with likely noise effects afterwards.
  • If you know that you are likely to be trying out anal later in that day, only eat lightly so that you don’t have an embarrassing incident mid-way through your session.
  • However careful you play it or however much effort you put into your anal cleanliness, accidents can happen so if your guy gets some poop on the end of his penis, try not to get too upset or embarrassed. Anal play crosses this boundary so you need to be prepared for this happening. Have baby wipes close by to clean up any mess and move on. It’s unlikely to happen regularly but it is always a possibility.
  • There are many lubricants on the market and some are specific to anal play. As a beginner for sure it’s not a good idea to use any type of lubricant that claims to numb the area as this may result in a person not realising they’re pushing their body too far as your sensation would be restricted.
  • Excessive anal play can sometimes but rarely, lead to anal fissures though some people are more prone to this; all bodies are different of course. You should always be careful with your health but in this case your sexual health should be monitored so if you notice unusual anal bleeding, it’s important to visit a doctor or sex health clinic. A fissure is a tear in the delicate rectal lining and is treatable and usually clear up quickly but the danger is if they’re left unattended; this can cause infections so it’s vital to get them checked out by a medical professional.

Anal Play: Rimming - What is it?

‘Rimming’ or ‘analingus’ refers to the act of using your mouth and tongue to stimulate the outside rim of your partner’s anal entrance. Traditionally, it would have been seen as a practice primarily associated with homosexuals but rimming is something an increasing number of straight people including both men and women are now being more open to.

Obviously this type of play requires the anal area to be very clean or it won’t be a pleasant experience for the person doing the rimming so refer to our anal douche section below or just ensure to thoroughly clean the anal area before trying this out.

While a hairy anal area doesn’t really interfere with actual anal sex proceedings, it is probably a good idea if you or your partner shaves the area for rimming if you’re a hairy individual as again this would make the rimming technique more pleasant for the person using their tongue.
Here is how to perform some rimming on a partner:
  • Get them to lay on their stomach, and proceed to massaging the cheeks of their bum.
  • After a while, begin gently pulling their bum cheeks apart so the anus is exposed and your fingers are gradually getting closer to it.
  • A nice tip here is to blindfold your partner to up the intensity and excitement.
  • Make sure you as the giver of the rimming action are in a comfortable position in order to carry it out.
  • Breathe and blow air around the area which in itself will stimulate and excite your partner.
  • Use your tongue to lick, flick, rub and push against the general area, or you can make it stiff to penetrate, probe, tap and trace the anal rim.
  • Kiss his cheeks and general area. Don’t be afraid to give his cheeks a little nibble of your teeth too!
  • Use anti-bacterial mouthwash after you perform rimming to kill any harmful bacteria.

Anal Sex & Douching: What Should a Beginner Know?

Douching the anal area can help you feel more clean and confident before trying anal play with a partner. Douching tools are available similar to the one in the image below. You suck water up into it, insert the spout into your anal entrance and then squirt the water inside you. It does clean you out but it also puts air into your passage which can give an unpleasant bloated feeling which might cause you to need to release more gas. Anal sex tool: An anal douche You can also buy a dedicated shower head attachment or just remove your regular shower head and use the hose directly but carefully. This can be done by spreading one leg either against the shower wall or on the bath edge if you have one, press the hose against the anal entrance and allow it to clean you. You need to ensure that the temperature is a comfortable lukewarm and that the pressure is low so as to not cause injury or discomfort to your anal area. Move to the toilet after this wash, where you should be able to expel the water from yourself until it runs clear. You might find that some mucus comes out at the end of this which is normal after this type of douching.

It’s important that you don’t do this type of douching every day as you’re effectively washing away the protective layer of mucus from your rectal lining. This is present to help fight against nasty infections and to ensure your bodily functions work normally in that part of your body. If you’re prone to regular douching or as a beginner you plan on using this method regularly, it would be important to use condoms for anal play to help prevent nasty infections in the area. Also, don’t use chemical enemas or saline douche liquids marketed for vaginal use, as they can cause diarrhoea.

So now you are armed with all the knowledge that you need to go forth and conquer an exciting new territory... Good luck and enjoy the experience!