I was asked these questions recently for a women’s magazine:
1. Why is playing dress ups in the bedroom (whether it be naughty nurse or Roman Gladiator) so much fun for a couple?
Because pretending to be someone else can free you up to be less inhibited. You can try things you wouldn’t normally do because it’s not ‘you’ doing it, it’s your character. It’s also just fun and silly, and when you’re doing things that are fun and silly you feel happier and therefore the whole experience is more enjoyable.
2. How should a woman suggest a dress-up session to her man?
Playfully! This is play-time for grown-ups, so the suggestion needs to set the mood. You might be watching a movie that gives you an idea, or reading a book: “Ooh, sweetheart, Captain Jack Sparrow is so sexy, how about we play pirates and I can be your captive…that is, if you can subdue me…”
3. What are your tips for couples wanting to play dress ups? (eg make sure you stay in character? have lots of fun accessories? Leave on parts of the outfit even when you get down to business? etc)
Costumes and props certainly help set the mood and let you get into character, and the planning and shopping can add to the anticipation - which is very good for building desire! But then again, it might be a spontaneous decision - you’re Little Red Riding Hood to his Big Bad Wolf, and there’s no time for dress-up, you just have to run, fast!!
4. Is there a certain position or sexual act you can recommend when playing dress ups?
That all depends on what you’re playing! If you’re the Policewoman interrogating the very very bad criminal you’ll probably be behaving quite differently than if you’re the Roman Emperor’s favourite sex slave…if you get my drift.
So don’t think about things like acts and positions, overthinking will get in the way. Let yourselves go into the fantasy and allow whatever happens to happen, you may be surprised at just how creative you can be!
Jacqueline Hellyer BSc, BA, Grad Dip, MSc (Sexual Health), is a PCC Sex Coach, Sex Therapist, Relationship Coach, Tantra Teacher, Speaker, Author, Blogger, Radio Show Host. She is one of the world’s foremost experts on relationships, sexuality and positive sex. Jacqueline believes that she is fascinated by all matters of sex, love and intimacy from the biological to the psychological to the spiritual.